Analysis
This text shows its message and purpose through the form, structure and language that it had used throughout the entire text. The form of this text is shown through the way that it is written. As this text is written as a letter by starting off with “Dear Stranger,” which also shows the audience that this letter is written to. We also learn from this text being a letter that the author, Richard Branson, is trying to spread his message of happiness to other people. We learn that this letter is addressed to anyone that may be going through a hard time and is meant to make them feel better. The text is also written in multiple different small paragraphs which show each different topic and how it is divided up in order to be the most effective in spreading the author's message of happiness. We see that the author had used the first small paragraph in order to talk to the audience and state what the purpose of the letter is and in the second small paragraph Richard Branson discusses what has happened in his life that makes him have ethos as he is a credible source as he states that “I’ve confronted my biggest fears time and time again.” This shows how the author is showing that he is a reliable source and knows exactly what he is talking about. The letter also has a somewhat informal voice throughout the text as throughout the text Richard Branson had multiple small sentences such as “Be healthy” in order to help out the reader and give them advice in an informal and relatable tone.
The structure of this text also shows the purpose and direction that this letter is going. We see this through the use of the first and second tenses in order to spread the advice to the readers by showing personal information that makes Richard Branson reliable. We see this as in the second paragraph Branson says “I certainly have been throughout my 66 years.” While talking about being stressed. The use of the first tense allows us to see this personal experience of Richard Branson. By using the second tense we see how he is trying to reach the audience of anyone that may be stressed and try to help them live happier lives. We see the direction of the advice that Richard Branson is giving as he uses very suggestive language to try and convince the audience to live their lives and not follow what everyone else believes is happy. We see this as Branson stated “Be loving, be grateful, be helpful, and be a spectator to your own thoughts.” This quote shows the advice that Branson is giving to the audience and the way that he had written this entire letter. The audience of this letter is directed towards the stressed people in life who are finding trouble finding happiness. We see this as Richard Branson did not direct this letter towards a single person by starting the letter off with “Dear Stranger,” which shows this letter could be towards anyone.
The language used in this text also shows the direction and purpose of the text. The language had set a tone throughout the text by using statements like “Be around your friends and family.” Statements like this give off a very grateful and appreciative tone that is spread throughout the entire text and deeply impact the purpose of the text. The lexis used also helps develop the text as Richard Branson had used words like “consciously” which shows how Richard Branson is focused on the mental health and happiness of the audience as he also has the entirety of the letter directed towards the audience with small pieces relating to himself and his happiness. This vocabulary that he had used also states what makes him feel happiness as he states “It’s the smile on a stranger’s face, the smell of rain, the ripple of a wave, the wind across the sand.” This uses imagery in order for the audience to picture and imagine what makes Richard Branson happy. This also sets up the audience with examples of things that can make themselves happy as many people can experience happiness from experiencing these same things. The imagery is also used throughout the text when he is explaining how the audience can find and experience happiness.
AO1:Colby, you had a clear understanding of the text and you had clear references to the characteristic features. You did well keeping your quotes short.
ReplyDeleteAO3:Your analysis is clear, coherent, and well structured. You also had appropriate selection of form, structure, and language for analysis. However, it seem like you were trying to meet word count with too many extra words. For example, "multiple different small paragraphs which show each different topic", the use of different here is not necessary since the paragraphs are obviously different. You also continue the use of "small" in front of paragraph multiple time which is also unnecessary and honestly breaks the flow of your analysis. "throughout the text as throughout", just doesn't make sense since you repeat yourself in the sentence. Other than that your awareness was clear. Great Job 15/25
For the A01 Scale, I am going to give you a 3 / 5.
ReplyDeleteYou understood why this letter was written and references to the parts of the letter that incorporate the importance of this letter. You had a clear overall understanding of what you were writing about.
For the A03 Scale, I am going to give you an 8 / 20.
Your analysis was made up of 3 huge paragraphs that made the structure weak.
I like the quotes that you used for the language paragraph, but I feel like your explanation for them was too long. You could have used this word space for more quotes or for another topic like tone, etc.
I like what you are going for in your blog but I have a few small critiques. Firstly I think that it would benefit the reader if you wrote smaller paragraphs (or just split up the large ones you have) this could also help you organize your ideas more clearly. I would also focus on inserting a small introduction (one or two sentences) before your first paragraph that would introduce the author and the text you were given. Here are some critiques I had for specific sections.
ReplyDeleteForm/ First paragraph: The first thing I noticed that could be improved was when you stated “We also learn from this text being a letter that the author, Richard Branson, is trying to spread his message of happiness to other people.” Although we do learn this from reading we don’t learn this just from this being a letter we learn it later on as we read into it more. I would also separate when you talk about ethos into a separate paragraph.
Structure/ Second paragraph: First of all I noticed you stated this “the use of the first and second tenses” I think you meant to say past and present tense if so then that could be corrected. You also talk about how Branson used suggestive language throughout his letter. “Be loving, be grateful, be helpful, and be a spectator to your own thoughts.” This quote is a bit too long and you only really need a little bit of it for what you're talking about.
Language/ Third paragraph: “It’s the smile on a stranger’s face, the smell of rain, the ripple of a wave, the wind across the sand.” This paragraph is way too long. You could just use the start and it would have the same effect.
Overall I would give you 3 marks on AO1 and I would give you 12 marks on AO3.
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ReplyDeleteAO1: 3 Marks - I was a little scared at first when I saw your structure but as I read into what you had to say about the letter, you had some good points. You did good by talking about the audience and purpose and how those affect the other elements and factors. However there were some areas that didn’t make sense on how they connected. There were only a few quotes, adding more would have helped in that situation. Also by not adding quotes, you are losing the ‘why’ in your paper. Think of global, you have a statement, now you need evidence to back up your claim.
ReplyDeleteAO3: 5 Marks - Right off the bat, the first thing I noticed was your structuring. You have three BIG paragraphs. A better approach would have been to make a new paragraph when adding a new idea. Like changing the factor being discussed, or on a however. Those areas are good section points to make even more paragraphs. This makes your paper easier to read and follow along in. Also your response was really simple. It didn’t give me the wow, this kid knows exactly what he’s talking about. (Points are deducted because of some points made in the previous grading)
Overall Marks: 8 Marks
Hi,
ReplyDeleteOn the AO1 scale, I would award you 2 marks. I found your understanding of the text to be limited as well as your references to characteristic features. I felt that you were going in circles and had a hard time following some thoughts.
On the AO2 scale, I would award you with 3 marks. This is mainly for your oversized paragraphs. The Cambridge graders like it short and sweet. I found it hard to digest all of the information you threw into each paragraph. Next time come up with more ideas in the plan so you don't need as much filler. This means that your selection for analyzing form, structure, and language was also minimal.
This leaves you with an overall score of 5 marks for this question.